Upsetting the balance of the phonecall

Well you know I have finally decided to write a blog. I know, you must have all been suffering without my insights into pointless arguments about everyday things that don’t really matter. But its ok, because I’m here now to feed you with more pointless words.
So I was on the phone the other day, well rather I was called up. Yes a phone call! I mean everyone always gets so excited when they actually get a phone call. It just is never the same when you call someone else up, and you know your giving them the joy of receiving a phone call (Well maybe that’s just me, I like receiving phone calls. I jump around and get all excited, and despite being able to look at caller ID I run through all the possibilities of who it could be! Doesn’t that just add to the excitement of it all?). So anyway im getting all excited, it’s a phone call! Someone is actually ringing to talk to me! Well, possibly to me. The fact is the majority of the phone calls that come to my house are not for me, and this dampens my mood quite rapidly, especially when I have to go take the phone like a messenger for someone else to get excited about getting the phone call. So I look at the caller ID, and it says ‘Private’. You know I love getting ‘private’ phone calls. I mean it makes you feel pretty special, like your getting this insight into this ‘private’ persons life. I mean they could be a spy, and now you know how they sound on the phone! Otherwise you just feel jipped because you can’t actually use the marvel that is caller ID, where you can pick up the phone and know exactly who is on the line, and instead of going “Hello?” you can go “Hello, Bob!” and they marvel at your physic powers, because you knew who they were! When really you just had caller ID on your side. Well anyway, I answer the phone, quite curious about who could be on the other line. It takes a few moments for them to come through. Which can only mean one thing. And then you here the accent.
I must say I love telemarketer conversations. We have such riveting conversations. I just love confusing them, asking them questions that they don’t understand because they only know a few set phrases. I remember one I had.

Telemarketer: Yes hello madame. I am here to tell you about this amazing deal we have for you! Yes you will get a free phone!
Me: OH REALLY?! Omg that is awesome! Wow wow wow!
Telemarketer: …yes madame, if you sign up for this simple thing.
Me: oh ok…well are you signed up
Telemarketer: ahh…… ummm…… let me ask you, do you have a phone?
Me: Do you have a phone?
Telemarketer: Pardon?
Me: Pardon?
Tele: do you have a plan?
Me: Do you have a plan?
Tele: I am sorry madame, you worry me
Me: hahahahahaahahahahahHAHAHAHAAHAH….ha
*end of conversation as ella hangs up*

So as you can see I find great joy in telemarketers calling. So many people hate it, but I have so much fun. There are a few like minded people who love this art form of pissing of the people who are meant to piss you off. Someone once told me that their friend spoke fluent French to them when they called up. I wish I could speak another language.
And you know they always get so confused when you start pretending to be enthusiastic. I mean they must get nobody who gets excited about their deals, the way they pause in a confused manner when you tell them that their deal is fantastic in an overenthusiastic way. Poor people, you would think they would never be happy.
So you see there is such joy that can be found in doing this. I recommend it to anyone.
So anyway, this telemarketer rang the other day, the conversation went something like this

Tele: Hello madame, I wish to ring you to tell you that you will never have to pay call costs again on your home phone
Me: Wow no call costs?! That is awesome!
Tele: Yes, now which network are you on? Telstra, Optus?
Me: Now wait just a second. If you were offering no call costs on my home phone, wouldn’t you know what company I’m with? Huh? HUH?
Tele:……madame what network are you with?
Me: Read my mind…
Tele: Do you have a mobile?
Me: Yes a very nice one, it keeps freezing but I bash it up and its all good.
Tele: ………Yes, and are you on pre-paid or plan?
Me: Oh I am on a plan.
Tele: Right, thankyou
*End of conversation because…the telemarketer hung up on me!*

Yes that’s right. I was in a complete state of shock. A telemarketer hung up on me. I mean is that even legal? Are they allowed to hang up on you? WE ARE MEANT TO HANG UP ON THEM! Its not the other way around, that completely upsets the balance of all things right in this world. I mean they must have a rule book somewhere, and the only rule must be: never hang up on a customer. I mean if I knew what company she worked for, I would write them a very angry letter. They called me and wasted my time, why can’t I waste their time? I have an obligation to waste their time! I mean if they are selling me something, im allowed to annoy them until point of sale, where I hang up. The consumer chooses to hang up!
As you can see I am beyond disbelief. Completely beyond it. I cannot believe that they wouldn’t talk to me. I mean if I was a telemarketer, I would be extremely happy someone didn’t slam the phone down the second I said “Hello from India!”. I would talk to them for hours. I might even talk about the weather, how my dog was getting an operation on his right big toe, how I ate a hot curry on the weekend, what I think about uranium rights (hey, maybe the telemarketers have been reading up on their information) and other such pressing topics, like how you just saw an elephant cross the street. You could make a friend, and actual friend, from a distant country, and from what started as a mere telephone conversation, became an amazing timeless friendship, now a blockbuster movie staring Matt Damon and the random guy they found on the street eating a sandwhich. I mean people need to give each other a chance. If we did, the world may just be a better place. I don’t know how I got onto world peace from Telemarketing. Oh well. You know it’s a good idea, we don’t need to hang up on each other.
Although maybe this lady was getting her stab at Western civilization by hanging up on a poor girl, simply interested in annoying the shit out of her.